Why Did I Start This Anyway?

 

I almost wept when I discovered it. My true calling. My offer to the world. After searching for so long after being so overwhelmed and stressed and sick . I realized the answer. It came to me like an epiphany of ideas and thoughts and amazement.

I had a bottle of anxiety building up inside me. I was a new manager at a retail store and I had worked hard to get there. I was three months in and I realized that I felt like I was in prison. The anxiety was overwhelming. I was facing the next day with horror and on the verge of an anxiety attack because my district manager was coming in to evaluate the store for the whole day.  This was a common thing in the company, but I felt as though I screwing everything up and he was going to find out.

The truth however, was that I was doing fine. Just as I had always done at each job before. I was excelling, hell, I had been promoted 3 times since being with the company for less then a year. The truth was that I felt this way because I was hiding something.

I was hiding myself.

Deep down I had dreams desires and expectations for what I wanted and  needed in life. Each time I started a new job, I felt a little glimmer of hope. A wish that maybe this time I’ll LOVE doing this work that I will be able to build a career from here.

But soon after the glow wore off, I was back to that creeping feeling. The crawling up my back that something was wrong. This wasn’t right. Then I would start to blame the company/job. They don’t do this or that right.  I can’t believe how unfair this is….blah

Each time I went through this, I would go back to that anxiety riddled feeling welling up, then like clockwork, I started pursuing another company.

But this time….this time… This time the anxiety was so high that I almost couldn’t stand it. I knew that I had to change. I knew that I had to create the life I had been dreaming of for so long, Or I would end up at the end of my life feeling that because I never took the chance to be who I really was, that It was almost tragic.

I had birthed YOGIRLY long before, but I was always doubting it.  I was so caught up in if it was good enough, or what the hell was it really about, or who would be interested in it.

But something happened that morning. The anticipation of the next day evaluation was combining with the anxiety of never having what I really want and the idea of the tragedy I would feel If I didn’t get what I want was bubbling and swirling together, and what this feeling was creating was something unbearable.

That is when it hit me. THIS IS MY GIFT. There are other people just like me. If I want to do so many things, then I MUST have the freedom to pursue them. I MUST not be burdened with this anxiety that I can hardly live with. I cannot be confined to subtracting 50 hours of my life for someone elses dreams.

This was the clairity I had been searcing for all this time.

In a World With Endless Possibilities….WHY CHOOSE ONE?

Never Be Complete!

Once it hit me I was on fire! There is only one path for me, but it is multifaceted. My gift is to reach those that are in the kind of turmoil that I was in. To realease them from their misery by claiming their life as their own.

Maybe I was meant to take so long to get to this point. Maybe that is what it takes to really understand yourself. I don’t know but there I was. Full of clairity, passion, and above all CERTAIN that I had finally discovered my own TRUTH.

Are you like me? Then your journey already started long ago with desire. It’s time to realize that there is only one you.

DO NOT fight yourself any longer. Give yourself permission to be who you are without apology.

 

 

4 Comments

  1. Brooklyn, thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I can certainly relate.

    I was in the corporate world for 27 years, and slowly my anxiety and depression grew as I came to realise that where I was, was not where I was meant to be or that I was being my true self.

    The many issues you struggle with, like depression and anxiety are a really
    symptoms of a disconnection from your true self.
    What I found is if you ask a question like “ Does this feel right for me to go ahead with this?” If you feel heavy inside, it’s a no, if you feel light and positive, then it’s a yes.

    Thats how I made my decision to leave the corporate world too pursue my
    passion of writing and coaching.
    Jane recently posted..Ultimate guide to Self Care through listening and caring for your bodyMy Profile

  2. It’s so funny how we sometimes question our gifts and feel like they aren’t quite good enough or attuned to what others [do, contribute, create].

    But your drivers and the way you manifest them, that is your gift! It sounds like you’ve created something truly aligned to who you are, what you love. That’s the greatest feeling of all.

    Congratulations!
    Lisa recently posted..Photo Journal: A Quiet Day in Nikko, JapanMy Profile

  3. This hits home! For multi-passionate people, it is sometimes difficult to recognize what our calling is. Perhaps we are called to multiple things. Perhaps believing we have multiple callings is a way to avoid pursuing the one calling we are most passionate about because it is so scary to take a leap of faith and chance failing at the one thing we know is going to feed our souls. I don’t know the answer, but I’m so grateful for people who have taken that leap before me, to show the way.

  4. You are so lucky that you found yourself when you did. I’m a bit older than you by, well let’s just a number of years, and feel as though I am just now finding out who I really am. While working those various jobs I had over the years I knew with all my heart that I did not want to be there. But I could never figure out what I wanted or how to get there. But what a wonderful, fantastic feeling it is once you reach that point and finally, yes finally figure you out!
    Kendra recently posted..I found the secret to cooking for one…My Profile

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